Book reviews
Book Review: How Good Do We Have to Be? By Harold Kushner, Little Brown & Company
Posted on October 26, 2026, tagged as
This book is about learning to live our lives without believing that we must be perfect. In ways subtle and not so subtle our parents, teachers, clergy, and others tell us as we develop that we are expected to be perfect. Rabbi Kushner presents a different idea, and does so in a clear, convincing, and easy-to-read manner. He gives a perspective on the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden that makes more sense to many of us than the lesson that we are paying for one stupid mistake they made in a moment of temptation. The God of my understanding is more fair and kind than that. The idea of Original Sin is not a Jewish idea as it is commonly understood. Kushner believes there is much to be learned both about humans and about God from the story, but he makes it clear that it is mostly about forgiveness and love. He says that if there is an original sin, it is the belief that “there is not enough love to go around.” This is a theme in many of the early stories in the Hebrew Bible. Consider the rivalries of Cain and Abel, of Isaac and Ishmael, of Leah and Rachel, and of Joseph and his brothers. Of course, in the real world no parent can feel exactly the same way about all of their children, because each child is unique. However, they can have an equal measure of love for them all.
Rabbi Kushner talks about marriage, saying that “the essence of marital love is not romance but forgiveness.” In marriage we hopefully come to terms with the reality that we did not marry a perfect partner, nor did our partner find a perfect mate. He advises us “to choose happiness over righteousness.” Rather than perfection, we should strive to have integrity, to be as true to ourselves as we can be. His answer to how good do we have to be is this: to be the best person we can be in each given moment and situation; and he says for most of us that is very good, indeed; and it is enough.
He quotes the philosopher Immanuel Kant who wrote, “Out of (such) timber as that which man is made of, nothing perfectly straight can be carved.” God did not make us perfect. He gave us free will, with the inevitability of our making wrong choices. This is not a trap set for us by God. Rather, it is our human nature. He concludes his book with the following paragraph:
“But at the end, if we are brave enough to love, if we are strong enough to forgive, if we are generous enough to rejoice in another’s happiness, and if we are wise enough to know that there is enough love to go around for us all, then we can achieve a fulfillment that no other living creature will ever know. We can reenter Paradise.”
We must stop judging ourselves and others against a standard of perfection. Peace of heart and mind can be achieved through the acceptance of ourselves in our imperfect, human condition, with all the love we can muster. That will be more than enough.