Book reviews

Review of When We Forgive – Life to Paper Publishing

Posted on July 27, 2026, tagged as

I learned of this collection of stories from my colleague, Dr. Vera Tarman, who contributed one of the fifteen well-written stories in this volume. They are stories written by people who experienced trauma, suffered in the aftermath for years, and finally learned to release the pain through forgiveness. Most of the stories reveal troubled childhoods, including parental alcoholism, neglect or abuse. In some of the stories the writers talked of their own addictions, and how they in turn hurt others. All the writers experienced a measure of recovery from the painful trap of resentment, guilt, and self-hate.

A common theme in these stories is that after the traumatic events, all the continuing trauma was self-inflicted. A narrative developed in which the writers became a victim of the story they kept repeating to themselves. By blaming the person who harmed them, they handed the keys of their prison to another person, a person who had little to no capacity to release them from this self-imposed bondage. In his story Adam Kunder says “I realized that the pain wasn’t just about what happened. It was about what I had decided to keep holding on to, and the story I wasn’t willing to let go of.”

Lydia Knorr quotes Lewis B. Smedes, as having said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.” In her personal story she says, “I will no longer define myself by my worst moments.”  The writers stress that self-forgiveness is at least as important and necessary as the forgiveness of others. While the response of another person to a personal act of forgiveness cannot be a controlling factor in the benefit received from such forgiveness, when it is returned with love it can have tremendous healing power.  Lydia shares how the forgiveness shown to her by her daughters helped to heal her heart.     

Most of the writers have used their experiences on the heroic journey of recovery by becoming mental health professionals of one sort or another. This is how they have used their experience to help others. Of course, another way they have done so is by telling their personal stories in this volume. I admire and appreciate the raw truth these writers relate about their lives. This is a gift to those of us who are privileged to read these stories.