Newsletter
The Tenth Step
Posted on September 25, 2026, tagged as
By the time we reach the tenth step there are certain milestones we should expect to have met. We have stopped drinking, drugging, gambling, or whatever; we have a sponsor, a home group, and we have a new outlook on life. By this time, we have a different feeling about ourselves, a sense of hope, and a certain level of comfort, as they say, in our own skin. On pages 83-84 of the text Alcoholics Anonymous (aka the Big Book) we find a description of how we may have changed. In the Alcoholics Anonymous program this description is referred to as the ninth step promises. Indeed, there is a transformation brought about by the working of the first nine steps. The transformation brought about as the result of working the first nine steps is the development of soul awareness, otherwise referred to as a spiritual awakening. In heroic journey terms, it is the achievement of the quest.
We know that this is a twelve-step program, so it seems there is more work to do. This work achieves two important purposes. First, it solidifies abstinence. Too many people get to this stage of their development, feel better, become confident, get busy with their lives in which they are now functional, and either cut back substantially on their program or leave it behind entirely. In most cases this leads to an addictive relapse. The other tragic outcome of stopping work on the steps is that people who do so stop their spiritual development.
The tenth step is the first of three steps required for both the maintenance of sobriety and for continued spiritual development. People who have had a spiritual awakening are now, in fact, spiritually alive. The continuation of life requires food of one sort or another. If the spiritual self is not fed, it will wither. The required actions are the daily practice of self-awareness, being honest about our mistakes in behavior or judgment, prayer and meditation, helping others who want recovery, and living according to sound ethical principles.
In Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the author says regarding step ten that “our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.” (p. 91) This is important to know because even though markedly improved, our emotional maturity level still has a way to go. It was only a few weeks or months ago when we could fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, whether drinking or not. It is also worth remembering that the rest of the world has not changed. Things will happen every day that are irritating, worrying, or disagreeable. It is also a fact that the most difficult issues we deal with in life have to do with relationships. Our spouses, significant others, kids, extended families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, customers, and the people we share the highway with can all be selfish and annoying, or worse. We must learn to temper our expectations of others, and try to treat people unfailingly with respect, kindness, patience, and compassion.
Inevitably, resentments will come up. We must be prepared to recognize them immediately. We must understand that whatever the situation that is causing resentment, it is our reaction to the situation that is the bigger issue to deal with. In a way, we have been in training for this step ever since we joined the program, because the first three and the last three steps are to be lived every day. Life doesn’t stop just because we decided to get sober. We must do it in real time in the real world. So, we have already dealt with a number of situations and people that made us angry, and we have used our new tools under the guidance of our sponsors and others to adjust to the circumstances without finding it necessary to relapse. Or possibly we did drink (or whatever) over a situation and found out that it just made things worse. The tenth step provides useful guidance that will serve us well in both good times and bad times. The key is knowing that we must pay attention to how we are thinking, feeling and behaving, followed by a prompt correction when indicated. And remember, you can’t do it alone., and fortunately, nobody must do so.